Beneath the surface rests a soul
So unblemished, so sublime …
Beneath the surface rests a heart
So tender, so crystalline …
Beneath the surface rests a child
So innocent, so fine …
Beneath the surface rests a vision
So unjaded, so mine …
Yet the world sees the mortals at the surface
Never deep, never within
Sits in judgement
So harsh , so grim
And yet the fallible race strives and clobbers
With all its might …
Those who bow
Get lost in the abyss …
Those who triumph
Sparkle in the sands of time …
I stand strong
As i glimmer, i rise and shine … !
Beautiful words I just liked them a lot
I’m glad. It’s my first attempt at poetry.
Amazing words. Weird isn’t it, while we are surrounded by morals that urge us to be ourselves we tend to adapt ourselves according to our peers.
And what’s worse is that this habit is the easiest to revert back to
Thanks for reading.
For a first piece,I find it excellent 🙂 poetry is great, I love when it flows…just don’t force things and you will shine 🙂 let the words swim 🙂
Thanks. Will keep it in mind 🙂
Sahi..1st attempt hi esa hai toh aage pata nhi kya kya hoga..more power to u..:)
P.S. I think its not forced at all..*personal opinion*
Woww..i just saw your comment. Thanks a ton for taking out time 🙂 Means a lot 🙂
Akriti….I LOVE it!!! Wow…for your very first poem to be so amazing means that you need to continue to pursue this line of writing. 🙂 I couldn’t be happier that you directed me here…I have been very busy and not able to catch up with people as much….so Thank You!!! for giving it directly to me. I’m so happy I read this 🙂 Hope your world is awesome <3
What a lovely comment 🙂
A beautiful re-birth. I like this. Good writing. 🙂
You know I think of these thoughts often and the sneak into my writing in various ways of how not only are we viewed judged by an exterior that people use to place into boxes for filing without knowing the underneath. They judge everything by some already preconceived expectation.
It’s difficult to keep fighting back. It’s difficult to keep being nice when you are taken as being something else. It’s difficult.
I like the poem itself as well with the structure and pace/rhythm of it. The story telling. Also the use of seldom used words in everyday language was nice and grabbed the attention and was actually nice to ‘hear’. Cobbler, crystalline and macrocosm.
I know this was ultimately about you but in a way I felt it was about me as well. Certain lines almost seemed perfect for me.
Thanks for that insightful reply.
Much respect to you too. I’m glad you could connect 🙂
As a writer I admire a poets ability to sculpt words into a clever flow of images that pierce our hearts and make us feel. Your writing in this piece is beautiful though your lines about the innocence of a child set tears rolling. I will be back to read more and will follow your blog with delight and anticipation
Thank u so much 🙂
Akriti, this is such powerful words. My Musical Director was highly impressed by the poem topic and words which brings a deep meaning to our life. I would like to ask your permission if I can use this words and play a musical piano melody. I appreciate your support and I look forward to hearing from you.
YES please do that.. i really appreciate you asking and considering my poem worthy enough to be made into a song 🙂 What an honour 🙂
Thank you for your positive reply, I will begin to prepare the melody. One last favor, I sent you an invite via Skype, could you please accept the invite. Thank you!!
Ya sure 🙂
Its a beautiful poem. I love it. Poetry is expression and your poem does that… It expresses. I have always been a fan…but this is something else. Lovely !
Thanks a ton buddy 🙂
Thank u 🙂
Daring structure, metrical variations and elegant presentation of theme highlight your (well-deserved) confidence in your first outing as a poet. I encourage you continue writing in this form.
Thanks for the encouragement and the wonderful comment.
Wow. Very beautiful poem. Loved last lines which actually start different poem all by itself 🙂
Keep writing more such poems!
Finally, my blog gets feedback from one of its most loyal followers . THANKS 🙂
Pleasure is all mine! 🙂
nice words 🙂
Powerful, tender, strong…keep writing. hugs, pat
I like it very much, and thank you for stopping by my blog I’m still new to this and a lot of things to figure out, I’ll get there if I can keep focused
Keep pursuing 🙂
Great job!!! It defines the principles you hold strongly… Continue writing 🙂
Beautiful inner strength captured
Wow I love it! Do you write poetry often?
No darling its my first attempt at it 🙂
Hey Akriti – could you please sent me your email address please [email protected]
good writting.. it’s beautiful. 🙂
Gorgeous! Didn’t know you were a poet Akriti. Very nice work here. Thank you for sharing with all of us 😀 Hope you have an amazing day + weekend woohoo!!! 🙂
I wasn’t a poet until this post. This is my first poem 🙂
🙂 How wonderful of you
wonderful effort.. the way you handle the cadence and the rhymes make me think that this is not your last effort… 🙂
Hey thanks for feeling that way 🙂
Wow, that was very thought-inducing.
First poem? I wish I my first had been half so good. Poetry allows us to capture those feelings in a way that no other form really does. You did that so well here. I would definitely make sure to continue with poetry as a means of expressing your thoughts.
Beautifully expressed 🙂
I learnt here that a lot lies “Beneath the surface”,looking forward to get der.Lovely peace of creation!!
Thank you for stopping by
Was a pleasure.
Perfect flow of words..
Welcome..!!!Do go thru my blog wen u hav time and ur feedback is appreciated.. 🙂 thnx ..
Brilliant of elite melody and lyrics!
Thank u so much for sharing it here on my post 🙂 🙂
You have exceptional talent shinning like a diamond!
Very thoughtful of you to say 🙂